Why is he backing away?

We’ve had a few dates, he seemed to be really “into” me but all of a sudden he seems to be withdrawing. Why does this happen? I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong–I haven’t been clingy or demanding, I haven’t started to live my life just waiting for his call, but… Why is he backing away? What’s the deal here??

Signed, Confused

One Reply to “Why is he backing away?”

  1. Coach Laura

    Dear Confused,

    You haven’t done anything wrong. There can be many reasons why a guy may back off. Since I don’t know him, I’ll give you some things to think about. Men will “back” off if they are sensing a woman wants something that he is not willing to give. Men value freedom above all else. Also if a man is not finding he is “winning” with a woman, he’ll back off.

    Additionally, he may not be interested in having a deeper relationship in his life. Some people start relationships but unconsciously don’t want the prospective partner to get too attached because they are not into deeping the intimacy. If this is the case for him and you want a deeply intimate relationship, you will want to be the one to back way off. My guess is it’s a signal of something (and most likely doesn’t have to do directly with you).

    The real question is “What do you want?” By the way, I’m not asking you what you want from him. I’m asking what do you want for yourself with regards to relationship (in general). Once you are clear on what you want, then you can ask him what he wants. You might try letting him know you’re feeling a little confused and would like some clarification on what he wants in relationship (in general). Then you can ask if he wants that with you. If all sounds aligned with what you want, you’ll need to evaluate if his actions are matching his words. If not, believe his actions and back off (if they are out of alignment with what you want). If his actions and words are in alignment with each other, make sure they are in alignment with what you want. Then stay available to him.

    Wishing you every joy.
    Coach Laura

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