Why doesn't he ask about me?

Dear Coach Laura,

He never asks about my day or what I think or how I feel, yet he goes on and on about what’s in his head…  What’s up with that?  Why does he tell me he doesn’t know what I’m thinking when he never even asks?

Signed, Perplexed

One Reply to “Why doesn't he ask about me?”

  1. Coach Laura

    Dear Perplexed,

    Men don’t necessarily think to ask about feelings. In general, they are not used to talking about them. If he’s going on and on, is he really sharing feelings or is he doing something else? My guess is it’s something else. When he does take a breath, you can model for him “sharing feelings.” You must know yourself very well when you do this. You also need to be in touch with what you need, so that you can request it. Caution: do not make him wrong in anyway. Stay on your side of “the net” so to speak when communicating.

    You might try something like, “Hearing all that, I’m really exhausted/overwhelmed/inspired/(state what you are truly feeling). I need to do some sharing with you about what I’m thinking/feeliing. Would you be willing to listen for 10 minutes?” I think ten minutes in the sharing feelings realm is a good amount of time.

    The point here is to be completely in touch with yourself and your needs. The minute you criticize him for acting a certain way is the moment you’ve stopped paying attention to yourself.

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