Why Am I Attracting Commitment Phobic Men?

Dear Coach Laura,

I keep attracting men who seem to have commitment issues.  Is there something I should be looking at within myself?

– Signed Committed & Confused

One Reply to “Why Am I Attracting Commitment Phobic Men?”

  1. Coach Laura

    Dear Committed and Confused,

    I actually am glad to hear about your attraction challenge. The positive part of it is that you are in the ATTRACTION mode. You know how to attract a man. Typically, whatever you are attracting is a reflection of something about you. So yes, you have a very wonderful opportunity to look within and explore your fears of being in a committed monogamous relationship that could lead to long term relationship.

    I encourage you to keep working on resolving your past issues about relationship. Therapy, grief work and great women friends who have what you want, been through similar challenges and know you deserve the most rewarding relationship are important part of your growth.

    Also, PRACTICE is very important. In your dating process, if a guy is showing up as uncommitted, be sure to let him know that you’re unavailable for that. If you do make yourself available to him, you are reinforcing the “attracting of uncommitted men” problem. Practice taking actions of a committed partner yourself. Look at every a of your life and ask yourself, is this the position I want to be in when entering into a relationship with my divine life partner? For example, your practice might include: declining dates with men you already know or sense are not emotionally available, make room in your closet for a long term partner, and get your finances in order. That last one is a BIG one. The feeling of needing a man for financial support is in today’s culture a BIG turn off for most guys (unless they want trophy wives – and you want to be that). Most other good men may ultimately be willing to be financial supportive but they don’t want to be USED for that. This is just like you don’t want to be USED for sexual gratification but you do want meaningful sexual connection. Heed this, take care of yourself financially and you will feel very empowered and not desperate for a man. Then you will have the freedom to really be with a man and understand if he is available to you. Make sure you’re not taking care of him financially either. That could be toxic to you unless you want to be the provider in the relationship

    Finally, and most importantly, up the JOY you experience in your life. You may want to listen to the Living Outrageously Authentic audio series in the WomenInJoy.com e-shop. We have a whole program on cultivating more joy in your life and one on enhancing self-compassion. A joyful woman who loves herself is truly a radiant woman. When you are in your joy, you will create harmonious and passionate relationship in your life.

    Here’s to your JOY!
    Coach Laura

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