I am dating long distance and we are coming up against the difficulty of separation and seeing each other only once a month for a long weekend. Is it realistic to expect to know someone well enough to make a decision to move across the country to form a life together after 5 months of dating? How does one operate a long distance relationship to best advantage?
I understand your challenge of long distance. My guess is that if you are questioning whether you know him well enough to form a life together, then you still need time. In fact, long distance relationships are great for getting to know someone over time. You can spend time asking and answering the harder questions while you’re apart. Spend some time thinking about what else you want to know about him and what you might not want to know that you should know. Whatever you do… if you are still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, wait. Mostly because you are wearing rose colored glasses. As a side note, a great goal could be is to figure out how to keep those rose colored glasses on for the duration of your relationship.
In the meantime, ask yourself some questions that will get underneath the rosey stuff and find out your truth. Look for what mildly irritates you about him and ask yourself, can you live with this when you’re not wearing those rose colored glasses? Another great question to ask yourself is, “do you trust him with your heart?†In other words, do you feel utterly safe to be completely vulnerable and you feel without a shadow of a doubt that you will be cherished and loved deeply when you reveal your shadow side. Other questions, what are your highest held values and are they aligned with his? They could include health, family, religion/spirituality, community involvement, fitness, outdoors, communication, partnership, integrity, fun, financial responsibility, etc.
Speaking of money… that’s one of the biggest areas that partners forget to explore early on. It takes time to understand how a partner operates with his/her money. It’s also a very easy area to hide how one really is – debt, savings, retirement, actual income, credit rating, IRS leans due to outstanding tax payments, etc. What do you want to contribute, reveal and receive? Have you? Why or why not? What are his expectations of your contributions? By the way doing a background check on him is a really good idea if you’re moving fast.
I don’t mean to sound so skeptical. I do think a woman must be very discerning while having a great time with her guy to ensure her future success and fulfillment in the relationship.
A long distance relationship requires a lot of patience. Be sure to create a full life while you’re apart in addition to keeping the communication with him strong. If you two are on the same page regarding what you want in a relationship, that’s a great sign. Look for the red flags and only commit long term when they turn green.
Ultimately it is your decision that you must be responsible for. Allowing more time can only be beneficial. Savor the honeymoon. There is no need to rush. Ultimately one of the best reasons to move across the country would be for love.
Wishing you every joy.
Coach Laura