New Relationships and Old Flames

Dear Coach Laura,

If you have dated someone and you were serious about that person and you had a physical relationship with him do you need to let that person go completely from your life should the relationship end?  It seems like the next person you date will be extremely uncomfortable with you having that man around.

One Reply to “New Relationships and Old Flames”

  1. Coach Laura

    The short answer is “it depends.” My sense is since you are asking the question you may have an intuitive feeling about what your answer is. My answer is not your answer, it is merely something to consider as you recognize yours.

    When you have an intimate relationship with another sometimes it has to end completely and sometimes the people involved can turn into the best of friends in order to move on. If both of you are in alignment with new relationship status of friends, for example, it may be ok to remain friends. Please become very conscious of what this friendship is about. If there is a hope in the back of your mind that one day you and he might get back together, I think you should definitely have a long cooling off period. In other words, a time when you have minimal contact. If and when you really feel like a friend to this person and nothing more, you’ll be ok to keep in contact.

    The fact that you are asking about the next person you become intimate with being uncomfortable with the other man around is probably more indicative of your discomfort with having the other man around. That being the case, you need more time apart from your old flame to allow his energy to clear from yours… especially before starting a new relationship.

    Also, it is very natural that when you become involved in a new relationship that your old flame friendship gets significantly less time. That would be the healthy balance and therefore no one gets uncomfortable.

    Stay focused on cultivating your joy. You are magnificent and you get to say who gets to share time with you.

    Here’s to your JOY!
    Coach Laura

Comments are closed.