Is he or isn't he into a long term relationship with me?

I’ve been dating a man for about 3 1/2 months. He has been separated for a year from his wife. He’s going through a divorce and the divorce will be final in January. He has no kids. We get a long very well and I am developing strong feelings for him. My concern is that he seems so into me one day, and then another day he seems closed off. He says he is ready to be with one woman, that he doesn’t want to be single forever, and still believes in marriage and wants kids. He even makes comments to me about us having kids and plans trips with me in advance. However over the last week he has been pulling back. We aren’t in an exclusive relationship because he says he doesn’t want to rush into anything but at the same time I’ve been giving him my all and not really dating anyone else. Should I pull back and start dating other men?

One Reply to “Is he or isn't he into a long term relationship with me?”

  1. Coach Laura

    There are some good signs here and you are also sensing some possible red flags. Good for you for NOT turning a blind eye to those. Before you sink your heart fully into this relationship, you’ll need to discern some more information about where he is at.

    There are exceptions, but so many people when they are first getting divorced have “rebound” relationships. These are the relationships that help them get through the wounds of their past relationship and have some fun before they land on their feet, connect with themself and re-build their life (hopefully from the inside out). If he is not ready to be exclusive after 3.5 months, chances are he needs the space. Your best bet is to honor that and decide what you want. If you want fun and no commitment, then you’re in a good place.

    If you are ready for a long term committed relationship with a man, then you need to find this for yourself. Giving this man “your all” is won’t change him. Before you give a man “your all,” I advocate asking yourself: “Does he have what I need to trust him with my heart?” If the answer is a resounding YES, give the man “your all.” In your case, however, it sounds like one thing you need is an exclusive relationship with a likely future to trust him with your heart. Your highest priority is to be true to your self. Take care of your heart.

    By the way, when a man’s actions don’t match his words, believe his actions. Men never want to hurt a woman. Often times they won’t say what’s really true for them. However, they will act in alignment with what is true.

    Just by your asking this question, you’re on your way.

    Here’s to your JOY.

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