He treats me well, but…

I’ve been dating a man for 2 months now. He treats me well, makes me laugh, has done nice things for me and has been very respectful, but I am concerned about a few things he has said and done to others.

He is incredibly sarcastic. He has not really said anything too horrible to me, but my experience in life is that when someone seems that angry, sooner or later that anger will be directed at me. I have expressed my concerns to him and he has so far been receptive about what I’ve said. I noticed that he was stingy with his niece who he feels is manipulative. She is one of the sweetest people I know. He didn’t even give her a card at her birthday party. When we talked about his most recent relationship, he expressed that he had been very generous with this woman and she had been a bit selfish. He felt taken advantage by another woman in that relationship.

He has been very respectful of me and has said and done some really nice things. Could he be a nice guy who is just a bit gun-shy?

One Reply to “He treats me well, but…”

  1. Coach Laura

    Your new guy has some “stuff” going on. But most of us do. The question is “What’s important to you?” What are the 3 or 4 most important qualities you want in a man? What do you want the long term relationship you create with a man to be about? Once you know your answers (irrespective of this guy or any other man in your life), then you can see if he really qualifies to be entrusted with your heart.

    With men it is important to be discerning not judging. As you know, when we judge we get into right wrong. He is a guy who has been through some tough relationships that offered him opportunities to learn. It seems he has come through them and developed some coping mechanisms. Some may be ways of avoiding looking at his stuff. But we cannot fault him for that because every one of us does that too.

    He is a gift to you. The gift is for you to discover. We typically attract partners who are at a similar level of development. So, whether he is a long term partner or not, is irrelevant. All men are practice. What will you practice with him?

    Here are my tips for Discerning: Discerning requires objectivity and a lot of self-love (putting your happiness and truth first). A la the questions I started off with. Are you willing to put yourself first? To truly take a stand for having a life you love and relationships that bring you JOY? Once you are and you know what is acceptable to you and important to you, then your decisions/choices will be easy. If you are concerned that his words don’t match his actions, believe his actions. I too have found that when one is angry and treats people in a certain way that you don’t like, eventually you will be at the receiving end of that. Trust me. I’ve learned that the hard way. If the actions you see are acceptable to you, no worries. Otherwise, you must make the most loving choice, to honor yourself first and foremost. By the way, putting yourself first is the opposite of selfish. It is about creating happiness. When you are happy, there are so many positive ripple effects that you cause in the world. So it is truly a responsibility that one must not take lightly at all. A great book to read on that topic is “Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts” by Regina Thomashauer.

    I also really do believe that setting an intention (even if you do it only within yourself) is very empowering. What is your intention for this relationship? When I started dating my husband I said to myself that whatever happens it is my intention that we both benefit from knowing each other. Boy did that inform my thoughts, actions, and decisions.

    I believe in your wisdom, grace, and inner joy to guide you well.

    EnJOY Yourself,
    Coach Laura

Comments are closed.