I've Been Contacted Online. Now What Do I Say?

Dear Coach Laura,

I recently joined an online dating site and was contacted by a man. His message was short and just said he liked my profile and would like to get to know me. What should I say in my reply?


One Reply to “I've Been Contacted Online. Now What Do I Say?”

  1. Coach Laura

    Dear Newbee,

    Congratulations for getting yourself out there and practicing. From my experience men often start the dialogue with a short message. The thing you don’t know is his intention (even if he says long term relationship) and level of interest (in you from your profile).

    The point is that you want to see if he responds with honorable and attentive (and timely) messages that keep you interested for at least couple of e-mail exchanges.

    If he asked you a question, answer it. If he didn’t do this, don’t respond with a lengthy e-mail. Keep it short and positive/playful.

    You’ve probably reviewed his profile by now. If you are impressed or curious about something ask him about it. Be sure to provide a compliment or mention something you have in common (eg: cute dog, nice eyes, etc.). Don’t gush (remember you don’t know him at all). Keep it light. This is a great time to see if he is willing to answer your question (no matter how trite it is).

    Here’s an example reply: “Thanks for e-mailing me. I enjoyed reading your profile especially the part about all the outdoor activities you do. Your dog is really cute. What kind of dog is he?”

    If he doesn’t have much written in his profle, keep it very short. If he’s not interested in dialoging, he may not be interested in cultivating a deep relationship but give him a chance to prove himself.

    As usual, don’t spend a lot of time thinking about this guy no matter how dazzled you are by his profile. You must remain centered in knowing that you are a great catch and he will reveal if he is worthy of your time and effort.

    In Joy,
    Coach Laura

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