How the Feminine Influences World Leaders

On January 18, 2009, two days before the inauguration, a letter from President Obama to his daughters was published in Parade Magazine. What struck me about his letter was his admission that the birth of his two daughters changed his outlook on life, made him a better man and gave his life greater purpose.

He said, “When I was a young man, I thought life was all about me—about how I’d make my way in the world, become successful, and get the things I want. But then the two of you came into my world with all your curiosity and mischief and those smiles that never fail to fill my heart and light up my day. And suddenly, all my big plans for myself didn’t seem so important anymore. I soon found that the greatest joy in my life was the joy I saw in yours. And I realized that my own life wouldn’t count for much unless I was able to ensure that you had every opportunity for happiness and fulfillment in yours. In the end, girls, that’s why I ran for President: because of what I want for you and for every child in this nation. “

This is the power of the feminine. All his daughters had to do was be present. They were born and this man had a new outlook and vision for the world. Now he is President and making change for a better world.

Let this be a reminder for women everywhere. It’s not what we do. It’s who we are… women. Inherently power-full. Women, take on your joy as innocently as Sasha and Malia Obama. Let go of your anger, release your stress, allow your authentic feminine essence shine and allow the shift to occur.

Wishing you every JOY.

Coach Laura

PS: Feb 2, 2009 we launched the Feminine Power Movement to inspire women to tap into their authentic feminine essence. Check out this little video with more info about the Feminine Power Movement.

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Want More Joy for the Holidays and Beyond?

Joy is a very popular word during the holidays. Many people associate it with the upbeat and hopeful music. Others with the opportunity to party. Kids especially get joy out of receiving gifts.  I am dedicated to joy throughout the year. It is my life’s purpose. To spread and inspire people to have more joy in their lives. So the holidays marks the time when I feel there is an opportunity to remind everyone that joy is accessible any time.

During this time of year, a significant amount of people experience the opposite of joy. It is understandable for there are a lot of stressors that people experience. I’d like to share two items for cultivating a sense of hope and joy during this time.

The first is a video that my colleague, Lisa Mininni, and I put together. We collaborated on this and had so much fun putting this together. I know it will inspire you to think about consciously creating joy. We’ve titled it Up Your Joy… just a little humor in alignment with the true nature of our message.

Embedded video coming soon. Click link to view.

Share the movie link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmZihZiJgK8

Feminine Power Card

The second is another card from the deck of Feminine Power Cards. The card reads, “When you don’t know where to go, go within.”

So what does going within mean to you? When you hear yourself saying negative responses to this. That is not going within. Rather that is an act of avoiding. So stay with me and let your inner critic keep babbling but take it with a grain of salt and go beyond this voice to the quieter more compassionate place. Ask this part of you some questions:

What am I feeling?
What do I need?
What’s important?
How can you get this for yourself with harming yourself or others?
What will bring me joy in this moment?
Practice cultivating joy (no matter what problems you have). Make a list of things that make you happy and bring you joy. I recommend doing this when you are in a positive frame of mind if possible. Do one nurturing, self-honoring, joy-creating thing for yourself.  Make it something that doesn’t seem like a burden; something that feels nurturing and soul nourishing.
Here are some ideas.
a. Take a walk in a beautiful place
b. Get a manicure and/or pedicure
c. Get a massage
d. Take a bath
e. Light a candle and spend 5 minutes in reflection
f. Sing in the shower
g. Go for a run
h. Go somewhere inspiring in your mind for 5 minutes
i.  List the things you are grateful for in your life
j. Create something
k. Prepare a nutritious meal for yourself
l.  Volunteer time at an elderly facility or other place
where people will be healed by your presence
m. Cry (it’s very cleansing and healing)
n. Rent a chick-flick or comedy
o. Take a sauna, Jacuzzi.
p. Take a nap
q. Go swimming
r. Do some stretching or yoga
s. Dance
t. Write your praises
u. Clean your kitchen
v. Listen to a hypnosis or guided mediation Tape or CD
(some available at www.SanDiegoHypnosisWorks.com)

What do you do that brings you joy? Please share your ideas and comment below. You never know when something you share makes a big difference in someone else’s life.

Wishing you a joy-filled holiday.

Coach Laura

Heart Of A Woman In Business

Once again sparkling speaker and author Sheryl Roush has compiled a beautiful collection of wisdom for women in business. Recently, her book, Heart of a Woman In Business was released. If you want to be inspired and informed, pick up this book because it may have just the tip you need. I found this little book has so much to offer from how to take a better photo, be a more effective leader, learn to cultivate abundance to simply reminding you why you are an incredible woman.Heart of a Woman In Business

It is an honor to be a contributor amongst so many other brilliant women. This is an incredible book. Once you have it, you’ll want a copy for each of your friends. So check it out today…

Heart of a Woman in Business: Stories, Strategies and Skills for Business Success

Why Do I Hurt When I Left An Abusive Relationship?

Dear Coach Laura,

I was emotionally and physically abused in my last relationship of 8 years. I know I made the right choice to leave. Yet, I have some many questions… why did he even bother to come back all those times when he knew he didn’t want us? Why is he happy and I am not? Why do I feel I got the short end of the stick and never did anything to deserve it? If you can shed some light on this matter that would be great.

Signed, Hurting

Dear Hurting One,
Thank you so much for reaching out. It takes courage to share yourself with another and I want to acknowledge the tremendous strength you have.

First of all, I recommend bringing the focus completely to you and your healing. It no longer makes sense to focus on him – whether he’s happy or not. Whether he is happy or sad will not help you in your healing and recovery from this long and painful journey. He cannot help you and never has been capable of that. That being said, can you see how much strength you have? You have put up with so much in order love another. You are a power-full woman. You have an opportunity to live life much more fully and create your own happiness now that you are free from a destructive relationship.

By the way, your perception of getting the short end of the stick is just that, a perception. After all, he’s the one who no longer has you as an option. You are obviously intuitive, smart, and very caring. You have so much going for you and so much to be thankful for which you are gifted with.  Sure you’re in pain now. It’s called grieving. You are grieving a relationship that you relied upon as a familiar place to hang out. That’s ok. Explore your feelings here. Take responsibility by accepting the past and focusing on what you want going forward.

I also will warn you not to place him in the villain role because that then makes you a victim. Victims are powerless and can only stay hurt and stuck. Healing is the direction you can choose to go instead. So a change in perspective is warranted. He was in your life to teach you many lessons and make you stronger for it. If you can be so brave and self-compassionate, then explore what his presence in your life has gifted you with. I’m sure he did things that were wrong and very hurtful and as a result you’ve made a choice to leave. So don’t let him have any more power over you. Also, blaming yourself for not letting go sooner does not serve a positive purpose. Again, it puts you in a victim role to your fear. Rather, trust that the timing is fine and for the best. You may not have been ready prior to the time it happened.Trust

Be kind to yourself. Know that you deserve love that is honoring and harmonious. If you remain in a state of sadness and feeling like “why me,” then reach out for some therapeutic help. Lord knows I’ve done my share and with a good counselor I’ve made incredible breakthroughs.

Also, surrounding yourself with people who celebrate you, lift you up and admire your strengths is a great way to build your esteem at this time. Be careful not to play the victim around others. Give up complaining. You can share your feelings but do not blame anyone (not even yourself). Be with your feelings purely. Blaming is merely way of avoiding the truth. You are strong. You are a phenomenal woman. Imagine our community encircling you with love and adoration. We see you as a vital happy woman.

In Joy,
Coach Laura

PS: For some self-coaching, the Feminine Power Cards give tremendous support. Visit http://www.FemininePowerCards.com

Best Friends Don't Give Advice

Have you ever had a friend go on and on telling you about how you “should” approach a personal situation? How did you feel afterwords? Most likely you felt drained, unsupported and more worked up about your situation than before. Well, maybe you’re like me and you’ve been on both sides of that conversation. I admit it. Yes, I have done the unthinkable here. I was regretfully the cause of some rather uncomfortable feelings on the part of my dear friends.

The advice giving response is so automatic. You can relate right? A good friend comes to you and it seems like she wants your advice. She may even say the words, “what do you think,” “what advice do you have,” etc. So you dive right in and share your greatest wisdom. You feel like you’ve given her the keys to relieving her situation, only she sheepishly leaves this conversation feeling worse than she did when she “asked” you for your advice. Well, I have learned over the years to tread very carefully in the advice giving arena. I am nowhere near perfect. However, I am more aware than ever. And I have some really honest friends to thank for that.Give up giving advice.

What I realized is the underlying motivation for giving advice is to make myself  feel better about her situation. In other words, I was hoping that my advice would help her alleviate her pain so that I wouldn’t have to be subject to it. And on other occasions giving advice just made me feel smart.  Think about that this week or the next time you’re in conversation and you want to come to the rescue. Who’s pain are you really trying to lessen? Who do you really want to help feel better? Giving advice often becomes a selfish act.

During our virtual girl tele-gathering this month we will discus alternatives to advice giving. What does being supportive mean? How to be supportive and bring light and joy into your life and how to avoid the traps that will drain you and not help your friend.

This month appreciate your girlfriends and listen more than you talk and notice when you want to give advice. See if you can refrain from that. Join us on Oct 21st bring your stories and hear others. You’re not alone. Come to our safe nest and nurture yourself by being a safe place to learn, open up and receive the gift of having conscious girlfriends.

FREE Virtual Girl Time: Being Supportive & Joyous
In celebration of my 11th Year Anniversary of being on the Journey to Feminine Power, you and your girlfriends are invited to share this sacred time and space on this live tele-gathering for FREE. Come and let your hair down, open up and connect with other like-minded women. I will be doing a guided relaxation process and you will have an opportunity to cultivate your feminine energy in this supportive atmosphere.
Date:  October 21st
Time:  4:45 pm Pacific
Call Details when you Register at HeartCenteredWomen.com
Our topic this month is Being Supportive in Joy. Women tend to give a lot of support in every area of their lives. This can be wonderfully fulfilling and lead to much joy or it can be a draining activity that leads to resentment, disappointment and failed relationships. In this tele-gathering we will discuss

  • The traits of supportive girlfriends who create joy.
  • The top mistakes girlfriends make that will drain any relationship and how to avoid them.
  • How to identify why you are so hurt and heal this hurt.
Reserve your space today… visit http://www.HeartCenteredWomen.com

Are men put off by powerful women?

Many women over the years have commented to me or asked about being powerful and how men respond to a powerful woman. My response is it all depends on how you define powerful. Some women’s ideas of what a powerful woman is would be off putting to men. The characteristics of bullying, competing directly, trying to force or manipulate people or situations or using demeaning remarks that criticize are all traits that turn men off. A woman in her feminine power, however, is a magnetic force that most honorable men can’ get enough of.

These power traits that are compelling include:

  • A woman who knows how to make herself happy and expresses her joy.
  • A woman who takes responsibility for her life and financial well-being. This doesn’t mean you have to be rich (though you could be) Rather you come from a place of stability. The minute a man senses you “need” him, he’ll be running.
  • A woman who communicates her needs and desires directly.
  • A woman who honors her emotions and takes responsibility for having them. She never resorts to blame, shame or guilt.
  • A woman who makes choices that honor herself and her well-being.

Recently, a 60 year old extremely successful woman client of mine relayed to me that she has realized that over the years men have really appreciated her and been drawn to her work as a financial advisor because she is a woman who could match them intellectually and competently, and yet have a gracious quality to her client relationships and delivery of her work. Feminine Power Cards - Radiant Woman

The Feminine Power Card that says, “A Woman In Joy is a Radiant Woman” really says it all. A woman in joy makes herself a priority. She takes care of herself to the point where she consciously creates joy in her life. When you create joy in your life, and you freely express it you are living authentically. Most likely you have all the power traits that are compelling. So I urge you to create more joy and live power-fully. Please share how you live power-fully.

Here’s to power-full you.

Coach Laura

What to do when he isn’t up for Marriage?

Dear Coach Laura,

I am separated from my husband for more than a year. I have been dating a man since January. This man treats me with so much respect and does things around my home. I find myself with very strong feelings for him. The problem is he has been badly hurt and taken to the cleaners by his previous marriage and he says we can only be companions and good friends because he will never allow himself to be hurt like that again. I know by the way he holds me and kisses me this man has strong feelings too. He says he is so scared and confused. Although he is scared he still stands firm we will never be together. Do I let him go and take the time to heal once more or do I believe nothings impossible with God?

Sincerely,
Hopeful

Dear Hopeful,

Many men today have been through extremely painful divorces where they have been taken to the cleaners, and have resolved never to be married again because they never want to risk putting themselves in that kind of position again. This is a highly unfortunate reality, certainly understandable and one for which I have a lot of compassion. These men who have resolved never to marry again, probably won’t. That being said, there are men who are willing to do some healing work (through therapy, books, self-exploration, etc) and be open to investing their heart in a relationship and even getting married again. The key for women who meet men after their divorces is to develop two areas of your feminine nature: your discernment and clarity of what’s most important to your heart.

In the Feminine Power Card deck there are several cards dedicated to the core principle of conscious choice. Conscious choice requires knowing yourself deeply. It also means honoring yourself first. Knowing what you need and want in relationship and honoring that is critical to your happiness long term. As this feminine power card states, Responding requires connecting to one’s feelings and sharing the truth without harming anyone. Once you are clear on what’s important, you respond as if you are speaking about the most important person in the world to you who is indeed, YOU.

I deeply understand your situation, because my now husband was one of those men who got taken to the cleaners through a very painful divorce after 15 years of marriage and expressed to me at one point how skittish he was about getting married again. When he expressed this to me I was scared that my dream of being married to my soul mate was in jeopardy. But at the same time when he said this, I wasn’t clear if he really was the one I wanted to marry. This meant that we were actually in the same place.

I did know that I wanted to be married or at least in a committed monogamous relationship that my soul mate and I declared and celebrated with our family and friends at some point. So if he had said, “I don’t want to be monogamous or in a committed relationship with you,” I would never have been able to feel comfortable in the relationship and would have left it. Since he had said to me being in a committed monogamous relationship for now was important to him, I let time evolve our relationship as I realized I had some healing and clarifying to do as well.

Here’s what I knew for sure: he’s an honest man, a highly ethical person (based upon his actions of treating me with lots of respect, his honest expression of fear, being on time, listening to my opinions and emotions and more). These were all green lights for me and in hindsight I realized having a good honorable man in my life allowed me to acknowledge and face my fears and heal them over time.

PinkRespondWe created a safe space for each other by not putting pressure on each other. Rather, I was very clear on what I needed in relationship. I did a lot of clarification of what was important to me prior to this relationship. I never asked him for that. I just let him know what I needed knowing that if he wanted to provide it, he would. And if he couldn’t or wouldn’t, that I would then need to make a decision based upon what was I had previously decided were my negotiables and non-negotiables for relationship. That is a very powerful place to stand. It is the place where you take full responsibility for your happiness (and you do not make your partner responsible for your happiness). When you take this perspective, life becomes easy and very fulfilling. I saw him make the efforts to provide me what I had expressed what was important. So things progressed.

Then and only after I determined he was someone who had matched my important qualities and demonstrated them could I delve into exploring him as my soul mate. To do this, I asked myself what I consider the ultimate question about the future of this relationship: “Can I trust him with my heart?” I got very still, closed my eyes and focused on my heart (after a few minutes of mind chatter), then I asked myself the question. There was a very matter of fact “Yes” that came to me. That’s when I knew I could marry him. Interestingly enough, I could feel him getting closer to me as well. Once I knew my answer, I had to ask him a question. That was, “If you were to be open to marriage or long term commitment, would you choose me?” The answer was emphatically yes. That’s exactly what I needed to feel safe in this relationship. I didn’t need marriage. I needed his heart. In that moment I felt very safe in this relationship.

This took place over the course of almost two years.

Remember that you are healing too. Furthermore, you are a woman involved in a divorce where you are trying to get your owed compensation. And if you are discussing this matter with him, it is in his face. You are both healing. Take the time to explore yourself, your needs, desires, habits you want to let go, must haves from your man, etc. Then see how this fits in with the guy your currently with. It will be clear whether you are to continue this relationship or not. If it’s not a yes, be weary of fully investing your heart into this relationship.

Wishing you every JOY,

Coach Laura

Summary Coaching Questions:

  • What are the red and green lights you see in your relationship?
  • What is important in relationship to you?
  • What must you have in relationship to feel safe, loving and loved?
  • Can you trust him with your heart?
 

What’s important about your feminine energy?

PinkRight (Laura v1)I know that when women everywhere honor their feminine spirit, the internal struggle we feel will cease, a profound sense of enlightened confidence will rise and we will consciously rise to the occasion of lightening up our lives, radiating our light, and creating more loving relationships (first with ourselves then) with our loved ones, friends, neighbors, communities and beyond.

Can you see this future? Women pouring love into the world like never before. Loving what they do because they are doing what they love. Loving children everywhere and providing the nurturing needed for those who are in incredible pain and seemingly unlovable. Loving themselves so much that they only say “yes” to that which allows them to love more. They understand that saying “no” to anything else is imperative. As a result of this outpouring, can you see the influence we have on men in the world. Men feeling safe in relationship to express themselves and called to be more honorable, more caring for our earth and more creative in their solutions.

Women today are in touch with their masculine and as we bring that into balance with our essential feminine, our world will shift to value more peaceful sustainable choices.

Please join our community, share your voice. We will nurture your feminine soul and stand with you, and watch your feminine spirit rise to the celebration of your life, passion and relationships.
Pink-GatherTo support and inspire your feminine energy to come to the forefront, the Feminine Power Cards provide wise reminders. This makes for a great gift for yourself, your BFF or other special women in your life.

My Dream:

A world of women deeply connected and in love with their wonderful selves. A world where love flows and compassion is visible. Our world is filled with joy-filled, harmonious and passionate relationships between men and women that inspire the generations to come.

May joy-fill your heart and radiate into your life.

Coach Laura

How To Prevent Drifting Apart in Your Relationship

Dear Coach Laura,

I met a wonderful man 10 years ago. We had similar goals and liked to do many of the same activities. In the last 10 years I’ve spent considerable time and effort learning to become a more confident, less problem-based person. As we all know, life is a journey, not a destination. The journey I started when I began my self development isn’t the same path that my mate chose to begin. Now 10 years later I’ve grown/evolved into a different person with different needs/desires. I have a feeling there are so many things to learn from this experience. As much as I love him, we are in a place where who we are as people is too different to stay in a marriage. After healing from this relationship, should I get into a new one, I would not want this to happen again. What advice can you give me so I can be aware of the beginning of the drift apart?

Sincerely, Healing Soul

Dear Healing Soul,

Last night my husband mentioned the old adage… “Women marry men hoping they will change, and men marry women hoping they won’t.” Knowing this I caution every woman getting into relationship about changing your man. The greatest thing you can do for yourself and your relationship immediately is to dismiss those hopeful thoughts of him changing. If you’ve thought to yourself, “If he’d only…. do something thoughtful, buy me flowers, tell me more of his feelings, etc.” you’re on course for disappointment if you are expecting him to do so. I’m not saying he won’t or ever will. Rather, I am letting you know that your expectation will get you into trouble. In fact, I recommend relying upon the wisdom that Pat Allen says in her book Getting to ‘I Do’ . That is, you will see the best of your guy come out in the beginning of your relationship. In general, the beginning of a relationship is the time he is on his very best behavior. Accept this and otherwise you are headed for heartache. If you feel that what you are seeing in the beginning of your relationship is not good enough for you, do not get deeply or intimately involved with that man. You can be friends but not lovers.

According to David Snarch, author of Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships, having expectations for your partner is a detriment in any relationship. Any expectation of your partner changing in relationship sets you up for deep heartache, disappointment and unhealthy relationship patterns developing. Yes, people change, after all you have. So you won’t be able to predict whether you will grow apart at some point but you can give yourself every opportunity to grow together by taking a few very important steps.

First, understand that expecting him to change in the way you want is the problem. Having expectations that someone else needs to do something in order for you to be happy, puts that partner in a very uncomfortable position. After all if he loves you, he wants to do things for you and be a source of happiness in your life. At the same time if he is compromising himself then he will resent the change you feel you must have in order to be happy. I am sure you don’t want to be with someone who resents you.

Next, you must know define the non-negotiable qualities of the mate and relationship you want to create. The goods news is that you have the time and space to clarify that for yourself.

Clarify the top 3-5 shared values that must be a part of your relationship. To do this, first reflect back on the previous relationships you’ve had. Note the common values you shared. Note the values that are important to you but were not shared. This is a good start of the values clarification process. Each time you go on a date or have a conversation with a man, check in with yourself and ask yourself the following questions:

  1. What values did he represent?
  2. Do they match mine?
  3. Are there any values he projected that I could see enhancing my life?
  4. Are there any values he projected that didn’t feel right to me?

I recommend getting to know someone really well before getting physically intimate with them for just this reason: To keep a level head where you can discern the nuances of this man. Explore him curiously while holding onto what’s important to you. Don’t give yourself to him until you know there is a synergy of values and you deeply trust him with your heart. Finding out if you are matched in your personal relationship values will be a huge factor in the joy you both will reap in your relationship over time.

No one is perfect. And the one thing most of us deeply desire is to be loved, appreciated and accepted for who we are exactly as we are. That being said, women who are focused on personal development may also want to consider another area to explore for personal growth. That is the practice of acceptance of another in relationship, enjoying the best of him and all the while taking responsibility for and cultivating your own happiness. Then if you can get your needs met, your guy can be the icing on the cake, not the cake itself and you have retained your power.

Women who are taking steps in growing themselves often miss something when they are in a relationship that doesn’t bring them joy. I should know, I mastered this one early on and became a profound lesson for me. We find it easy to point out those areas where our partners are not evolving. Now I recommend honoring where another is at. This can be especially difficult for a woman who is missing a deep compassion for herself. In reality, it is arrogant to proclaim oneself more evolved than another. You know that this man has helped you to grow in ways you never would have without him in your life and your relationship with him was therefore profound and perfect. And if where he is at doesn’t work for you or you can’t accept that for whatever reason, you must be honest with yourself and make the choices that are right for your true fulfillment.

Honor your process for you are definitely on a path to more joy just by asking this question. This is a wonderfully rich time for you to get to know yourself more, step more fully into your authentic feelings and desires and you will consciously create a new relationship where you can blossom further.

Here’s to your joy.

Coach Laura