Where to meet MEN? The wrong question

Single women who are re-entering the dating world or have been struggling with meeting guys have often ask, “where do you go to meet men?” They ask as if there is a magic answer. My answer is everywhere. Single available honorable men looking for a long term committed soul-connected relationship are everywhere. They are in the supermarkets, post office, parking lots (remarkably I’ve met many in parking lots), gas stations, Costco, parks, library’s, bars, classes, clubs, speed dating events, internet, singles organizations, dating services, sporting events, yoga class (if they’re smart), charity events, hiking trails, surfing, races, business events, offices, Fry’s, the beach. I could go on an on. So you could go to every event, bar, club/organization and sporting outing and wear yourself out or….. ask a different question.

Stop The Man Hunting

I’ve known women who have gone out there only to prove themselves right about “there’s no one out there.” Stop hunting. That’s the man’s job. They’re much better at it too. If a woman is too outwardly focused, she is not radiating her inner beauty, that part of her that men are drawn to. She is almost invisible to men when she is on the “lookout” for Mr. Right. Believe me; I know this from personal experience. The men that I did find were either not attracted to me, because “I” was missing from the picture or they were just as desperate.

Start Connecting To…

When a woman is so connected to her wonderful self and is focused on creating a joy filled life, she will have men following her. The question to ask is “how can I create more joy for myself right now?” The answer might be go to a coffee shop and savor her favorite hot beverage along with Oprah magazine. Or take a couple of hours to get lost in a bookstore or park. Seek out your own answer. Finding your own joy is essential to attracting a loving partner. Relish your life. Create a juicy life for yourself.

If you have wonderful girlfriends who celebrate you, spend time with them, make plans to go and do things that you love doing with them. Observe what happens over time. And whatever you do, give up hunting and start enjoying your life.

Now we can start talking about ideas for things that will bring you joy and that will coincide with meeting men. Take… walks on the beach, a class about some topic you’ve always wanted learn about, take yourself out to a meal (with a friend or alone), take care of some errands that you know will make you feel accomplished, get some exercise in a way you enjoy, join a club that has people of like interests that you enjoy (Sierra, biking, running, painting, rock art, music, photography, etc.).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting giving up on meeting a guy. Quite the opposite. The more joy you exude, the more confidence you have in yourself, the more attractive you are. The easier it will be for the right guy to find you.

How To Achieve Balance

Women today are feeling tremendous amounts of stress. The automatic response to resolving feelings of stress many women resort to is “doing.” However, powering through and taking action initially actually increases stress. If you want to lower stress, try slowing down and taking some time to feel. The importance of slowing down is typically underestimated and dismissed by many success oriented, goal driven women. Why is that? Slowing down feels uncomfortable. In this instant gratification society we try to avoid feeling uncomfortable. We take a pill, eat some food, watch media, often times to drown out the noise and stress in our lives. Over time, however, the stress actually builds because it’s never resolved.

Good News About Stress

Stress and all your feelings is a rich gold mine of guidance and answers to fully healing stress. Think about it, the reason you feel stress is because something is out of alignment in your life. It may be temporary or a long term circumstance. Whatever it is, it is important to get clear. Try this, when you want to go and do something stop for a moment.

Sit down, and take a full breath in. Breathe into your heart. Ask yourself, what is the most loving thing I can do for myself right now? Let your heart answer. If your mind says, this is nonsense, get up and do something else, take another breath in. Then ask the question in another way, “What does my body, mind and soul really need right now?” Allow yourself to sit with that question for 1-2 minutes. It may seem like a long time. Give it a go. Don’t try to make up an answer, just sit with the question. Then take another breath. As you inhale and exhale, say to yourself, “I now allow myself to feel love and be nurtured. I breathe in love and breathe out nurturing.” Do that for 3-5 breaths.

As you practice being a loving presence, you will find that you feel more in balance and your stress levels are greatly reduced.

Honoring Your Feelings Is A Sign Of Strength

Women have been mislead that showing your feelings and allowing your feminine side to show is a sign of weakness. Since the age of the superwoman is OVER, it is time to move into the truth. Your feelings are your souls way of communicating your truth. Your wisdom lies within the depths of your feelings. As you sit with your feelings they have many layers of insight just waiting for  you to uncover. Going deeper with curiosity can lead to the most powerful source of answers, and guidance you have available to you today. We must learn to interpret these feelings newly with great respect. Please comment about what you discover as you sit with and uncover the hidden riches of your soul.

How To Break Bad Relationship Pattern

Are you stuck in a relationship rut? You know you either keep finding unsatisfactory partners, no love connection, or you simply have been avoiding relationships all together. If this is true, and yet in your heart of hearts you secretly desire the love of your life, there is hope. The good news is you are aware of the frustration. In fact, feeling those uncomfortable emotions is going to help. If you have been trying to ignore, deny, or stuff those feelings, try something new. When you can give those feelings some air time, you may begin to realize that the reason they are there is because of the underlying desire to have more love in your life. If you didn’t want love, you would be frustrated, scared, sad, ____ (you fill in the blank).

Shifting perspective about your feelings to something like: Your emotions allow you great insight and can be used as a tool to get what you want. Read that last line a few times and maybe even reword it the way you would say it.

Honestly ask yourself:

What am I feeling? And simply feel it.

What do I want to feel?

How can I create that?

If your answers include someone else having to do something, then try answering the question by getting what you want through your own efforts and resources.

If you want to have more love in your life, cultivate joy first and foremost. It truly is the magic antidote. Even if you don’t immediately find the love of your life, you will be happy by default.

Recently, I had a discussion with John Gray, PhD, Charles J. Orlando, Barbara Shiffman and Kelly Crossing about breaking the pattern of creating bad relationships. Watch below and find more inspiration in the Feminine Power Cards. A personal relationship coaching deck to keep in your purse, desk or share with clients and friends.

Women Take Stand for Better World in San Diego

StandingWomen.net Group Urges Women to Rise in Global Silence at 1 p.m., May 12, Balboa Park (Fleet Science Center Fountain)
Standing Women Mother's Day

Mother’s Day is fast approaching and as we prepare to celebrate the mothers in our lives we often neglect to recognize the most important mother of all: Mother Earth. On Sunday, May 12 at 1 p.m., thousands of people around the globe will stand together in silence for five minutes in local parks, schools, churches and other gathering places to promote a better world for future generations. The result will be a 24-hour global wave of humanity standing to motivate and invigorate others to realize the dream of a better world for all.  

In San Diego, women are invited to gather and stand in Balboa Park at the fountain in front of the Reuben H. Fleet Science Center along with organizers, Laura Rubinstein and Joan Morris. Women will gather on Sunday starting at 12:45 pm. At 1 pm they will sound a gong and bells, to signify the start of the 5 minutes of silence. Ms. Rubinstein began organizing the local Standing Women Mother’s Day silence events in May of 2007.

Since May of 2007, thousands of women have stood together in 75 countries and on all the continents of the globe to show their support for the world of which they dream. Inspired by a story written by Sharon Mehdi of Ashland, Oregon, The Great Silent Grandmother Gathering, collectively they decided that it was time to take a stand to make a difference. By standing for a moment of silence, participants will recognize the importance for all of the children of the world of issues such as safe drinking water, clean air, food for all to eat, access to basic education, adequate health care and safety from violence.  Mother's Day San Diego

The event is not limited only to women, however, and many men have stood since 2007. Julian Koss of Sarasota, Florida actively promoted the 2007 event in his state. “We’re all obligated to leave for our children and the ‘seven generations to follow’ a better world,” says Koss.

About San Diego Standing Women Organizer

Laura Rubinstein has dedicated her career in marketing consulting and hypnotherapy to women entrepreneurs. She started a website she refers to as an online retreat for women called WomenInJoy.com. According to Ms. Rubinstein, “As women recognize the strength we have to influence positive change and make decisions accordingly, our world will become a safer, healthier and more loving place to live.” 

 

Contact: Laura Rubinstein, 619-940-6569 or laura at transformtoday.comStanding Women Mother's Day

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