How To Say No And Stay In Alignment With Your True Self

Have you ever said “yes”, when you knew you wanted to say “no” to an invitation or request? We’ve all been there. The guilt is so intense. Saying yes allows us to avoid feeling guilty. However, there is a BIG cost to denying our truth. Especially if that is a pattern of avoiding guilt, confrontation or standing up for yourself. Then you are digging yourself into a hole of lack of self-respect. The good news is you can start right now digging yourself out of this hole and into your wholeness.

Try this paradigm on to help you live in alignment with your true self and feel great about saying no… When you say “no” and that is the aligned truth, you are taking care of everyone including the person making the invitation or request. Think about it, it’s not in their highest good if you say “yes” but you’re heart isn’t in it. Right!

How To Say “No” Graciously

If you’re concerned about HOW can you say no and feel good about it, here are some ideas on how to graciously say no. Start by saying thank you. For example you could say, “Thank you so much for thinking of me. It means a lot to me, but at this time I need to decline.” You could stop there or go on to say, “It’s not feeling like the right fit (or thing for me) at the moment. If something changes, I’ll let you know.”

Your Feminine Power Boost Creates A Ripple Effect

When you practice saying “no” (when it’s aligned with your true self), you are essentially saying to your soul, I value you enough to honor what is best for you. You are building a great relationship with yourself and being a role model for others. This is a truly compassionate act your are doing for yourself.

By honoring yourself you are cultivating your inner feminine power. We need women to do this consistently. When we respect ourselves in this way others will respect us too.

Where to meet MEN? The wrong question

Single women who are re-entering the dating world or have been struggling with meeting guys have often ask, “where do you go to meet men?” They ask as if there is a magic answer. My answer is everywhere. Single available honorable men looking for a long term committed soul-connected relationship are everywhere. They are in the supermarkets, post office, parking lots (remarkably I’ve met many in parking lots), gas stations, Costco, parks, library’s, bars, classes, clubs, speed dating events, internet, singles organizations, dating services, sporting events, yoga class (if they’re smart), charity events, hiking trails, surfing, races, business events, offices, Fry’s, the beach. I could go on an on. So you could go to every event, bar, club/organization and sporting outing and wear yourself out or….. ask a different question.

Stop The Man Hunting

I’ve known women who have gone out there only to prove themselves right about “there’s no one out there.” Stop hunting. That’s the man’s job. They’re much better at it too. If a woman is too outwardly focused, she is not radiating her inner beauty, that part of her that men are drawn to. She is almost invisible to men when she is on the “lookout” for Mr. Right. Believe me; I know this from personal experience. The men that I did find were either not attracted to me, because “I” was missing from the picture or they were just as desperate.

Start Connecting To…

When a woman is so connected to her wonderful self and is focused on creating a joy filled life, she will have men following her. The question to ask is “how can I create more joy for myself right now?” The answer might be go to a coffee shop and savor her favorite hot beverage along with Oprah magazine. Or take a couple of hours to get lost in a bookstore or park. Seek out your own answer. Finding your own joy is essential to attracting a loving partner. Relish your life. Create a juicy life for yourself.

If you have wonderful girlfriends who celebrate you, spend time with them, make plans to go and do things that you love doing with them. Observe what happens over time. And whatever you do, give up hunting and start enjoying your life.

Now we can start talking about ideas for things that will bring you joy and that will coincide with meeting men. Take… walks on the beach, a class about some topic you’ve always wanted learn about, take yourself out to a meal (with a friend or alone), take care of some errands that you know will make you feel accomplished, get some exercise in a way you enjoy, join a club that has people of like interests that you enjoy (Sierra, biking, running, painting, rock art, music, photography, etc.).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting giving up on meeting a guy. Quite the opposite. The more joy you exude, the more confidence you have in yourself, the more attractive you are. The easier it will be for the right guy to find you.

How To Achieve Balance

Women today are feeling tremendous amounts of stress. The automatic response to resolving feelings of stress many women resort to is “doing.” However, powering through and taking action initially actually increases stress. If you want to lower stress, try slowing down and taking some time to feel. The importance of slowing down is typically underestimated and dismissed by many success oriented, goal driven women. Why is that? Slowing down feels uncomfortable. In this instant gratification society we try to avoid feeling uncomfortable. We take a pill, eat some food, watch media, often times to drown out the noise and stress in our lives. Over time, however, the stress actually builds because it’s never resolved.

Good News About Stress

Stress and all your feelings is a rich gold mine of guidance and answers to fully healing stress. Think about it, the reason you feel stress is because something is out of alignment in your life. It may be temporary or a long term circumstance. Whatever it is, it is important to get clear. Try this, when you want to go and do something stop for a moment.

Sit down, and take a full breath in. Breathe into your heart. Ask yourself, what is the most loving thing I can do for myself right now? Let your heart answer. If your mind says, this is nonsense, get up and do something else, take another breath in. Then ask the question in another way, “What does my body, mind and soul really need right now?” Allow yourself to sit with that question for 1-2 minutes. It may seem like a long time. Give it a go. Don’t try to make up an answer, just sit with the question. Then take another breath. As you inhale and exhale, say to yourself, “I now allow myself to feel love and be nurtured. I breathe in love and breathe out nurturing.” Do that for 3-5 breaths.

As you practice being a loving presence, you will find that you feel more in balance and your stress levels are greatly reduced.

Honoring Your Feelings Is A Sign Of Strength

Women have been mislead that showing your feelings and allowing your feminine side to show is a sign of weakness. Since the age of the superwoman is OVER, it is time to move into the truth. Your feelings are your souls way of communicating your truth. Your wisdom lies within the depths of your feelings. As you sit with your feelings they have many layers of insight just waiting for  you to uncover. Going deeper with curiosity can lead to the most powerful source of answers, and guidance you have available to you today. We must learn to interpret these feelings newly with great respect. Please comment about what you discover as you sit with and uncover the hidden riches of your soul.

Why Do We Hurt the Ones We Love?

My husband is a very good guy. He is responsible, cares deeply for me and my daughter. However, I seem to only feel, think, and act very negatively of him or I am just mean to him. I do love him and I want to feel that love. What can I do?


Dear Perplexed,

Sounds like you have a case of the “I don’t really love myself enough” syndrome. That is my non-medical diagnosis for the condition you have. I have often heard your question phrased this way, “Why do we hurt the ones we love the most?” Since you are trying to figure that one out, I first and foremost recommend taking inventory of how you treat yourself.

How do you feel about yourself? Are you wishing you were more, better, faster, and are frustrated because you’re not? Are you happy with your work, the way you’re raising your children and the example you are setting? Do you feel joyous and grateful to be alive?

If you don’t feel very good about yourself and you are not taking responsibility for that, then it can wind up coming out in relationships in several different forms which include (and are not limited to):

  1. You want him to change and be different; primarily so you can feel better. The truth is, even if he did change, he still wouldn’t be good enough because you are not feeling good enough and you’ll continue to project it out on him.
  2. You get upset at little things he does or that happen to you in your life. Your reaction is your soul trying to tell you I’m hurting and I need to express it.
  3. You say mean things. This is another way of your feelings trying to express themselves.
  4. You feel powerless because you have no idea what to do to deal with the feelings of fear, anger, grief, sadness, loneliness, worthiness, etc.

As you can see low self-esteem and poor self-image can be dangerous to both you and your loved ones. The first step is to acknowledge you’re hurting and let yourself know that is ok. Feelings, all feelings, are valid. What you do with those feelings is the way you make or break your results. Even if you have a high IQ your intelligence will not help you solve the problem. The logic of the brain needs to make way for the wisdom of the heart. Many people today have lost the connection to their heart wisdom. You will not be able to think your way to a healed and authentically joyous place.

You must face the darkness in your soul. Before you do this though, begin to practice saying nice things to yourself. You must become more compassionate (with yourself). There is no room for self-abuse. Then, be with your feelings. Know that they are real and they are not who you are, rather they are messages from your heart.  Feel it and channel it in positive healing ways. A great way to get on the road to healing is through a good psychotherapist who encourages you to get into your feelings. Make sure that your internal heart work does not stop there. Acknowledging and accepting your feelings is the first part. Channeling the energy of these emotions to serve you for the better is the next step.

Like the Feminine Power Card displayed on the right says on the pink side, “Anger is a
Pink-Anger-web message to understand your fears and take care of yourself.” And it encourages you to contemplate on the blue side, “How can I channel my anger such that the result is positive for myself and others?”

Take the energy and do good things. Take on the commitment to see this feeling through until it transforms. To be there for it like a good friend.

Here’s a simple story of how I did this. One day a friend visiting me talked me into seeing a movie that I knew was scary and would be hard to take, but I gave in trusting her that it wouldn’t be as bad as I thought. Well, it was really scary and hard and boy was I angry afterwards. I realized that taking it out on her or myself would not serve any purpose, so I was very quiet until we reached home. I didn’t know what else to do but I knew I was committed to not harming anyone. So I kept asking myself over and over on the way home the question, “What can I do with this energy?” I knew it had to be something that was not harmful and useful for dealing with the feeling. Then I proceeded to go into my bedroom and cry and get some of this pent up energy out. Crying was good but it wasn’t enough. Then I ripped out my journal and frantically started writing everything this feeling was feeling, thinking and upset about and wanted. That was good but it wasn’t enough. I took a really hot bath because that is something nurturing I love. That was helpful, but it still wasn’t enough. Then I cried some more and journaled some more. And then I was flooded with peace and a whole new perspective. This movie was a gift. It gave me the gift of addressing the pent up fears, anxieties and stressors that I had. They released all because my friend wanted to see this movie and I went. There was no more anger. I received the gift of the events of the day and the feelings inside me. I continued to enjoy a deeper appreciation and connection with my friend.

So I cannot tell you how to channel the energy. Rather I encourage you to explore it, honor it and do what you can that feels appropriate and you know is a positive step for you.

In Joy,


How To Get Over Your Fear of Relationship

Dear Coach Laura,

I am in my mid-50s and really would like to meet a special man and develop a joyful loving lasting relationship with him. The trouble is I don’t seem to put myself out there and though I think I’m ready, there may be some fear in investing myself in that process. What advice can you give me for attracting my soul mate?


Love Minded

Dear Love Minded,

Most women (and men) long for the intimate soul connected relationship that they can enjoy for years to come. That is why I started Moreover, I know firsthand that it is possible no matter how much fear you have especially if you are the personal improvement type. Fear is a tricky emotion and we often misinterpret the message it has for us. The key is to honor this desire and feel your fear at the same time.

If fear is not coming up, it means you are comfortable and you are going to stay exactly where you are. So fear is GOOD. Fear can be your reminder of how important bringing in a wonderful man to share your life is to you. Plus fear is merely Forgetting Everything’s All Right. Thus, fear is an illusion. Think about it… if your worst fear came true, you would essentially be okay. Right? In fact, you may even be better because you are resilient and would to come through whatever happened. Also, you have resources (your personal development training), you have friends, family and there are always new people who show up as little angels in your life when you need it most. In other words, it’s time to empower yourself and stop buying into your fear and start accessing the power-full woman you are. The fact that you know there is fear is a good clue to take a look at the underlying beliefs you have about men and relationships.

You may want to ask yourself the following:

What belief(s) is your fear reflecting about who men are to you?

Do some work around uncovering your beliefs. Then, you can test them and alter them. Hypnosis can be a helpful tool at eliminating limiting beliefs and replacing them with ones that are in alignment with your truth and authentic power.

When you face your fear head on, it can transform and even disappear. So dust off your courageous nature and center yourself in your power. Be clear on your intention and hold on for a great ride. Trust the process and your innate feminine wisdom.

Wishing you every JOY,

Coach Laura

How To Break Bad Relationship Pattern

Are you stuck in a relationship rut? You know you either keep finding unsatisfactory partners, no love connection, or you simply have been avoiding relationships all together. If this is true, and yet in your heart of hearts you secretly desire the love of your life, there is hope. The good news is you are aware of the frustration. In fact, feeling those uncomfortable emotions is going to help. If you have been trying to ignore, deny, or stuff those feelings, try something new. When you can give those feelings some air time, you may begin to realize that the reason they are there is because of the underlying desire to have more love in your life. If you didn’t want love, you would be frustrated, scared, sad, ____ (you fill in the blank).

Shifting perspective about your feelings to something like: Your emotions allow you great insight and can be used as a tool to get what you want. Read that last line a few times and maybe even reword it the way you would say it.

Honestly ask yourself:

What am I feeling? And simply feel it.

What do I want to feel?

How can I create that?

If your answers include someone else having to do something, then try answering the question by getting what you want through your own efforts and resources.

If you want to have more love in your life, cultivate joy first and foremost. It truly is the magic antidote. Even if you don’t immediately find the love of your life, you will be happy by default.

Recently, I had a discussion with John Gray, PhD, Charles J. Orlando, Barbara Shiffman and Kelly Crossing about breaking the pattern of creating bad relationships. Watch below and find more inspiration in the Feminine Power Cards. A personal relationship coaching deck to keep in your purse, desk or share with clients and friends.

Journey To Joy Book A Celebration of The Heart

A Journey to Joy is sometimes ordinary to the naked eye, but to the critical observer and the woman who lived it, her journey is one of magnificent courage and perhaps a leap of faith into uncharted waters.Journey To Joy book

Within the pages of this uplifting anthology book we share an array of intimate and heartfelt stories by real and inspiring women who have found true joy and freedom through the living of everyday life, as well as those who are still finding their way on this path. Each journey is unique – and not always pretty – but you will surely see the beauty through their words.

A Journey to Joy is sometimes experienced by stepping out of one’s comfort zone and always accompanied by life lessons. The newly acquired wisdom is sometimes hard-won and yet it often becomes the sweetest to savor. These stories reveal the depth of the lives of these incredible women – the bitter and sweet, the fruitful and lost, the hard-fought battles and the ease of allowing.

There are as many paths to joy as there are women. Enjoy, celebrate and discover your own joy through these touching, true stories.


Discover these Joyful Lessons and Savor the Gifts:

  • Dedicating yourself to your life’s purpose is a gift to the world
  • Healing from unspeakable tragedy comes with many gifts
  • You attract who you are, not what you want
  • Financial abundance doesn’t bring joy; emotional abundance does
  • Angels are all around you; all you need do is call on them
  • How to live life and even thrive after the loss of a loved one
  • When the student is ready the teacher will appear
  • Rays of sunshine are ever-present – even behind the clouds
  • Creativity lives in each of us and we can consciously awaken it
  • Forgiveness forges its’ own path to love and joy
  • You were born worthy and deserving of great good

To purchase the book and receive your special bonus gifts go to:

If you’d like to be free of the story that is holding you back from the joy of being the woman you know is within you, you’ll want to read this book.

Women Take Stand for Better World in San Diego Group Urges Women to Rise in Global Silence at 1 p.m., May 12, Balboa Park (Fleet Science Center Fountain)
Standing Women Mother's Day

Mother’s Day is fast approaching and as we prepare to celebrate the mothers in our lives we often neglect to recognize the most important mother of all: Mother Earth. On Sunday, May 12 at 1 p.m., thousands of people around the globe will stand together in silence for five minutes in local parks, schools, churches and other gathering places to promote a better world for future generations. The result will be a 24-hour global wave of humanity standing to motivate and invigorate others to realize the dream of a better world for all.  

In San Diego, women are invited to gather and stand in Balboa Park at the fountain in front of the Reuben H. Fleet Science Center along with organizers, Laura Rubinstein and Joan Morris. Women will gather on Sunday starting at 12:45 pm. At 1 pm they will sound a gong and bells, to signify the start of the 5 minutes of silence. Ms. Rubinstein began organizing the local Standing Women Mother’s Day silence events in May of 2007.

Since May of 2007, thousands of women have stood together in 75 countries and on all the continents of the globe to show their support for the world of which they dream. Inspired by a story written by Sharon Mehdi of Ashland, Oregon, The Great Silent Grandmother Gathering, collectively they decided that it was time to take a stand to make a difference. By standing for a moment of silence, participants will recognize the importance for all of the children of the world of issues such as safe drinking water, clean air, food for all to eat, access to basic education, adequate health care and safety from violence.  Mother's Day San Diego

The event is not limited only to women, however, and many men have stood since 2007. Julian Koss of Sarasota, Florida actively promoted the 2007 event in his state. “We’re all obligated to leave for our children and the ‘seven generations to follow’ a better world,” says Koss.

About San Diego Standing Women Organizer

Laura Rubinstein has dedicated her career in marketing consulting and hypnotherapy to women entrepreneurs. She started a website she refers to as an online retreat for women called According to Ms. Rubinstein, “As women recognize the strength we have to influence positive change and make decisions accordingly, our world will become a safer, healthier and more loving place to live.” 


Contact: Laura Rubinstein, 619-940-6569 or laura at transformtoday.comStanding Women Mother's Day



How To Get Confidence

Powerful Women Take Responsibility and Get Confidence

how to get confidenceAs a woman, who you are naturally is full of power so it is amazingly simple to get confidence. Let me call attention to who you are and why you can be confident… We have the ability to bring life into the world. I would call that magical.  Did you know that you can make someone’s day with a smile or a caring gesture? Of course you do.  

Women have been the guiding consciousness of society for centuries. The thing is, however, many of us forget how power-full we are and slip into feeling less than, taken advantage of, or never seem to get the respect we deserve. What if the reason these things are happening is because we simply forgot who we are.  

Remembering that you are powerful means taking responsibility for having what you want in life. Whoops, I said it… the R word. Yes, imagine living from this paradigm: You can have anything you say you want if you’re willing to make the decisions that will ensure you get it. Sounds easy right? With enough practice it will become a habit. 

Three Steps to Gaining Confidence and Personal Power

Step 1: Be honest. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” Name a feeling that doesn’t involve another causing it. For example, are you feeling tired, lonely, sad, upset, angry, guilty, ashamed, frustrated, etc. It is best to use words do not imply blame. When you blame someone else you don’t feel powerful. In fact, blame gives your power away to someone else and leaves you stuck. Instead, own your feelings and acknowledge them to yourself.

Step 2: Ask yourself, “What do I really want to feel?” Typically it is to feel loved, to have friends who celebrate you, etc. Answer it with the underlying essence of the feeling you want to experience. 

Step 3: Ask yourself, “How can I provide that for myself? It may mean ending a friendship, speaking less to a family member, asking for a hug, taking a bath, doing something special for yourself, or simply giving yourself some time off. Whatever is authentically in your highest good for you to do, go for it. 


If you go through this process over and over, you will begin to notice something happening over time. People don’t upset you as much. Those who used to take advantage of you disappear or change their attitude. Most of all you feel great. You generate joy because you decide to!

Feminine Energy Defined and Beyond

Feminine Energy Defined and Beyond

Feminine energy is our heart energy! Learn why Laura helps women explore their feminine and understand the magnanimous power they innately have. Listen to this recent interview with Inez Bracey about the Feminine Power Cards and how women can have juicier relationships and more joy in their lives. If you want your dreams to come true,  tap into the power of the feminine and learn who you are authentically. 

Listen tointernet radio with Inez Bracy Living Smart Well on Blog Talk Radio